Yes, that title was meant to suck you in and yes that title is meant to be controversial so shallow people that don’t bother reading the article post a few hateful Facebook comments without actually looking at what I’m trying to say.
Have you noticed that lately we’ve got ‘dating trends’ showing up on our Facebook newsfeed, as if they never existed before? They’re advertised as if they’re something bright and shiny, and it’s often glossed over that ‘no, actually, this has been happening forever and we are now giving it a name because the 24 hour news cycle requires us to name shit that doesn’t really need to be named or encouraged but hey the world is already so shitty might as well add some more to the pile of crap we have to consume’. Damn that’s a long sentence.
I’m sick of it. I’m sick of going to my newsfeed and finding another reason why dating in the 21st century, particularly post-Tinder, is such a ball-ache. Yes, I just said ball-ache, and yes, I mean my lady balls are hurting because: society.
Society because, in the East and the West, there’s some ridiculous rule that you’re supposed to be married before you’re 30. Society because people are having kids without actually wanting to have them, thinking that’s ‘what you’re supposed to do’ after settling down with one person. Society because somehow being single is so taboo that you should be signed up to at least 2 or 3 of those crappy apps talking to men who only want you for a few hours (ha if they can even make it that long), never to hear from him again (and if you don’t drop your knitting and come running to his bed you’ll be unmatched). Society, because these crappy apps and loose women fantasies has taught men that ‘all girls want…’
Don’t we know by now, after years and years of research, that men can’t differentiate? That men do this sweeping generalisation thing because god forbid one woman is different from the other: “All girls want a relationship. All girls want to get married. All girls want to have babies. All girls want a 3 tiered vanilla and chocolate cake covered in coconut icing.” Hey guys, did you know that a woman is actually someone with a brain and feelings, and should be treated as a fellow human being rather than a sex toy? That perhaps, she is going to be far more stimulated by your great conversational skills rather than your square jawline? That perhaps, having a conversation and sharing a laugh doesn’t mean she’s expecting a ring on her finger? And most importantly, that perhaps that weird thing that you do with your tongue she isn’t going to love like your last sexual partner?
I reject all of these stupid articles about the latest trend in whatever. Dating is now a total freakshow it’s ridiculous that a) we are training men to think its OK to follow these dating trends by normalizing them/naming them and b) entertaining it like it’s OK. The media NEEDS to stop trivializing this and making it out to be part of the 24 hour news cycle. People popping in and out of your life after months, maybe even years, is not a NEW thing. It’s been happening for centuries already. It’s just happening with more frequency now because we now have access to more potential partners than we ever had before. Stop trying to make it happen. It’s not going to happen, because it’s already happening.
No, it’s not ok to be submarined. It’s not ok to zombie, or catch and release, or whatever the hell else it is we- men and women- are doing to each other.
It’s a jungle out there: a free-for-all, anything goes, I’ll be selfish and not give a crap about anything… There is a lack of humanity in dating. Show me a few people that aren’t afraid of their feelings and that are comfortable being honest with people in their lives, be they a one night stand or a summer fling. Show me some decency, some appreciation, ‘hey you took the time to show up let’s be people first, animals later.’
Are they still out there? Because I’m starting to believe maybe they’re not… and despite what society says, I’m actually OK being on my own and not settling down just yet. Is it my dream to finally find ‘the one’? Maybe one day (I’m got pretty damn close this morning when a rugby team was splashing around my local swimming pool– 😍). But I’m not going to settle for someone who can’t even recognise my humanity and secretly wishes they could be on Tinder because of all the [imaginary] free booty awaiting them. Call me a hippy, call me bitter, call me whatever you want. In the meantime, I’ll be over here, living the dream. Because despite not having fulfilled this one, I’ve had many, many more dreams come true. ❤