Dear England,
We’ve been through a lot haven’t we? We’ve had quite a few adventures, and many more misadventures. You’ve given me friends, joy and a place to call home; but you’ve also ripped my heart to shreds on many, many occasions. All is fair in love and war, they say, but I’m afraid that this key battle, you have won.
Do I have a flair for the melodramatic? Of course I do. I wouldn’t be me without it. But you’ve given me plenty of cause to be so let’s call it even. Where we’re not even, though, is where we’re at now. I’ve worked so hard for you, I’ve shed blood, sweat and tears for you. I’ve paid hordes of estate agents ‘administrative fees’, I’ve paid full price on countless of train rides, and never failed to pay my taxes. And yet I can’t seem to get anywhere. Even now, after 4 years working experience, I’m still being offered the same jobs I was when I came out of Uni. Even now, I can’t afford to make plans like buy a car or save for a house. Granted, I wasn’t the most stable example that you probably wanted me to be… but circumstances that you created made me the commitment-phobe I am today. Cheers for that.
I’m not going to pin it all on you, though, because unlike the misogynist will tell you, I do have the ability to reason. I came to you because I wanted to settle, and I honestly tried my best to. You know I did. I say ‘us’ now instead of ‘me’, I call most people ‘love’ instead of by name, and I make excellent small talk about the weather. I couldn’t have done that without your guidance. But you know… I just crave change. In my quest to be ordinary, I’ve found I actually thrive in the extraordinary. I want to be the one taking a 20 hour chicken bus. I want to be the one trying new food and forcing myself to try bungee jumping. And honestly… you can’t provide that for me. You’re not giving me what I want anymore. Or maybe, I’m just a bit bored in this relationship and need to try other things to appreciate you more. Absence makes the heart grow fonder they say so maybe I just need some time to readjust my views to truly appreciate how your traffic actually stops for ambulances and the lush rolling hills of Yorkshire that basically make up your beating heart (Yorkshire girl 4-EVA).
As much frustration as I’m leaving behind, I am in fact taking a lot of love with me when I go (ugh I’ve just cringed at that myself. Sorry). I have a family here that I will always cherish. I am so damn lucky to have wonderful people that have taken care of me, and will continue to do so in years to come. Girl friends drying my tears and giggling with me, boy friends to … well, pretty much do the same. And of course, go down to the pub for ‘one’ that ends up in a night filled with hilarity and antics.
I guess, at the end, all I want to say is… thank you. Thank you for being in my life for so long. Thank you for teaching me the good and the bad. You had to be the bad guy a lot, and I know you will definitely be the bad guy in the near future, for a while to come even… but I promise I’ll look back with rose tinted glasses.
Lots of love,
Arna
beingdutchanese 